‘The little death’ is a time in life when your foundations are completely shaken to the core. It’s a proverbial tower moment or the pulling of the rug from under your feet revealing an endless emotional abyss. Nothing makes sense and you question everything; your existence, your purpose, the people around you, life or even Source. No more hiding from the world with your masks, lies and falsehoods. Absolutely everything is stripped back. If this sounds like you, then congratulations, you are in your dark night of the soul!
It can often be triggered by a relationship break up, job loss, death of a loved one or a highly emotional situation. Oh, it can also creep up on you at the most inconvenient times.
Why, just why? Don’t get me wrong, this is not a punishment from a higher power or karmic repercussions from past-life dirty deeds. Your soul is giving you an emotional smack-down because you’ve gathered up too much crap that no longer serves you. It’s a course corrector because you are meant for far greater things!
When you are in the midst, it is not fun…at all. But, there are positive aspects to the dark night of the soul experience.
1. It is an opportunity for massive spiritual growth. You become the seeker of truth. And while many people seek out spiritual practices and remedies, the seeker will always be lead back to where their truth lies – within themselves. You gain a deeper understanding of yourself, the universe and the miracles that already exist in your life.
2. You get to redefine who you are. You notice that the societal and familial restraints can no longer shape you and you can move forward with purpose, meaning and dignity. You will never be the same again.
3. All of the bullshit is revealed. Any belief systems that do not serve you will come to the surface, kicking and screaming trying to remain. While this part can be painful, you don’t need to sit in it for long. You can learn ways to understand them, integrate the lessons they were trying to teach you and release them.
4. You shift to a more universal perspective. The little things that used to worry you, no longer hold substance. You take action from a state of wholeness and are able to find greater meaning in life.
5. Its highly likely your crystal collection will grow. See…positives!
6. Your tolerance for shitty people and situations is lowered. While you have a new perspective and understanding of them, your self-worth revs up and people can simply fall out of your field of view. You no longer agree to play a subservient role and you are no longer a match to attract those who dominate.
The list of positives is all well and nice I hear you say, but if you’re in the thick of it, thinking positive is not going to help. How do you get out of it? How do you make it stop?
Sorry, but there is no getting ’out of it’…until you’ve understood and integrated what your soul wants you to learn. You need to be brave! Venture into the deepest part of you that has been hidden for so long. The unspoken words of your inner-child need to be heard, the trauma of your un-cried tears need to be released, the battles passed down from generation to generation need to be resolved.
Meditation is going to be your best friend through all of this.
Learning to calm the mind is the first step. You will begin to learn that many of the thoughts rolling around in your head are not even yours, yet in the past you have claimed them to be and spent hours agonisingly repeating them as a trauma mantra.
Learn to feel again.
Suppressed emotions and trauma create dis-ease in the body. You’ve been numb to them for far too long. Most people have suppressed their emotions as an act of survival and in many situations there was no other way. Completely understandable. Now, as an adult, it is time realise you no longer need to live this way and that the guidance from your heart has laid dormant for far too long. What you gain from feeling again is trust. Trust in yourself, trust in the guidance you receive, trust in love again.
Ask for help.
Its highly likely that asking for help has been a difficult thing for you to do if you are experiencing a dark night. There may have been times in your life when you have experienced rejection or even denied your basic needs. Time to learn a new skill! And to learn what support is actually available for you. Give others the opportunity to show up for you. It’s a great gift for both of you and a way to learn who to keep in your life.
Don’t worry, you don’t need to turn into a hippy and live in a community off the grid…at least not straight away.
While it is great for some people, there will be changes you will naturally make in your life. Your eating habits will change, how you consume the news or media will change, either your house will get very messy or very clean, but most importantly, the things you value most will change. With all of your new found freedom from old belief systems and trauma, it clears the way for your most soul-aligned goals to take precedence in your life.
Get a mentor or healer.
Someone who has been through the trenches of the dark night of the soul will be able to guide you through. They can’t do the work for you, no one can. But they can offer support and key insights into your journey. If you don’t have anyone in your life that fits the bill or the means to pay for one, there are a plethora of free resources online and authors with amazingly transformative books on the subject and on spiritual growth in general. Authors such as; Gabrielle Bernstein, Brene Brown, Deepak Chopra, Drunvalo Melchizadek, Maya Angelou, John DeMartini and Tony Robbins all offer beautiful teachings on self-transformation. As with any information we consume, use your highest discernment on what is right for you.
Get moving.
Your body needs nourishment though this period. Soul work can deplete ATP which is the energy that makes a cell function and is held in the mitochondria. It is also known as the ’home of the soul’. Pay attention to the foods you are consuming, get up and get moving. Sure you can be all depressed and hang out in your room and avoid doing the work. It’s your life. But you are going to feel better if you move and get more oxygen in your system.
There are no rules as to how long a dark night of the soul can last. And the length of time is certainly no indication of your level of spirituality or worthiness. It could last a few weeks to 5 years and guess what? You could have more than one in your lifetime – oops, did I forget to mention that earlier? But, now that you know what it is, you can deal with it like a pro wrestler – facing your opponent (the inauthentic self) head on with gumption and eventually compassion with a sassy pose at the end.
If you would like to book a session to gain insight on your current life situation, check out my session details here.